Self-Sabotage
Hot yoga.
I want to kiss and strangle the man who invented the love-child that marries these two extremes. So you walk into a room that’s heated to 105 degrees with 40% humidity, which means, you’re dripping sweat before you even stand up to strike your first pose. About 4 poses in, cascading waterfalls have poured into your eyes and mouth, making you wonder if you’ve just stepped out of a salty ocean or had someone dump out a bucket on over your head. Big pools form on your mat/towel, and sometimes the flinging spray finds its way onto the person next to you. (Oops). And for the 90 minutes you’re locked in that oven of a class, you experience the sensations of wanting to faint, cry, give up, or possibly puke (in no particular order).
Ahhhhhhhh, it’s absolutely glorious.
Nothing tones and shapes my body faster than hot yoga, and nothing makes me feel more satisfied that I’ve survived another class. (And for all you Chrish’s, don’t worry, it’s not spiritual or eastern at all. It’s the same 26 poses every class and more kick-your-butt than let’s all breathe in and OM.)
The yoga studio is lined from floor to ceiling with mirrors. Mirrors everywhere you look. Now, I understand this is important to adjust your stances, find your balance, and make sure you’re contorting and twisting appropriately, however…..they’re still mirrors. And did I mention they’re everywhere?
Potentially an insecure person’s worst nightmare.
When I first started hot yoga 10 years ago while living in New York City, I was a full-blown self-hater, insecure, with a nasty eating disorder to match. Nothing that I did in that mirror was good enough, especially when comparing myself to the person next to me, and next to her, and next to her. I’m surprised I even got through a class or did a pose correctly. My mind raced with a jagged obsession with what was wrong with my body, and not what poses I was doing right.
Oh, good grief, when I squat like that, my love-handles bubble up! Oh shoot, when I bend like that, my cellulite looks like a block of swiss cheese! Oh, come on face, do you have to flare up like a red beet???? AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
For an exercise that’s supposed to actually help your mind and body, I sure was a mess every time I got out of there. The mirror was my worst enemy, and the person in the mirror crucified whatever she saw. There was no such thing as good—only bad, bad, bad. I had to change it! I had to tweak it! I had to slave until it was perfect!!! I couldn’t even enjoy the fact that I was doing something good for myself because I was so fixated on the bad.
But now, I’ve learned to take a different approach.
I’ve only been back in hot yogaland for about 2 weeks, but those 2 weeks have been night and day from the old Christa. I walk in smiling at the girls that are more flexible with better bodies instead of ignoring and hating from across the room. I’m curious about the teachers, who the are, and thank them for kicking my tushie. And when I look in the mirror, I’ve learned to thank God for all I’m blessed with, and receive grace for the things I want to change.
YOUR TURN:
Are you sabotaging yourself before you even get started? Have you started working out, eating better, or seeking to be healthy, but because you don’t see instant results, you throw in the towel and sabotage the whole thing?
A negative can only produce a negative, dear friends.
Begin to tilt the negativity you take into the gym, into your class, into your kitchen into a positive slant. Find 3 things you can shift or be grateful for. I decided I was going to go into yoga and pour out, smile, and fight that urge to compete. I decided I was going to look in the mirror and thank God over and over for all that I saw that was right, and not the few things I wanted to change.
Begin to start FROM a positive this week, and see how limitless the sky is. (:
Xx, Sista Christa
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love yourself more…be confident
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